How do you teach children to value truth and evidence? Don't lie to them about Santa Claus.
An argument for instilling honesty and critical thinking during the holidays, rather than deception, conformity, and magical thinking. Also, some AI-written counterarguments and my responses to them.
Year after year, millions of parents claim to want their children to be honest people while simultaneously perpetuating the lie that Santa Claus is a real, physics-defying person.
It's a tradition that’s been passed down for generations, sure, and many people think is harmless while making children happier and better-behaved. But what if, instead of simply going along with this cultural norm, we recognized the holiday season for what it is: an unusually good opportunity to teach children valuable lessons about truth, critical thinking, and how to navigate the complexities of the real world?
The Santa myth, while well-intentioned, is ultimately a lie. By telling our children that a magical man keeps track of their behavior and rewards them with presents, we're teaching them that deception is acceptable as long as it's for a good reason, like making other people happier in the short term. This can have unintended consequences that extend far beyond the holiday season.
Beyond that, when children eventually learn that Santa isn't real (and they always do), it can erode the trust they have in their parents. They may wonder what else their parents have been lying to them about, and this breach of trust can strain the parent-child relationship.
The Santa myth also promotes a simplistic view of morality, teaching children that they'll be rewarded for good behavior and punished for bad behavior (“naughty” vs “nice”). But life is rarely so black and white, and reducing morality to a binary system does little to prepare children for the nuances of real-world decision-making.
And more fundamentally, endorsing the myth of Santa Claus with your children communicates to them that sometimes it’s acceptable to believe things that are blatantly bullshit, even when they don’t mesh with the rest of your knowledge or experiences (e.g. no one can visit every Christmas-celebrating household in a single night).
But the bigger point I want to make is that, even if the Santa myth were truly harmless (and I don't believe it is), its popularity provides secular parents with a unique opportunity to share valuable lessons with their children, and yet few seem to recognize or act on this opportunity. By using the holidays as a teaching moment, we can encourage our children to think critically about the world around them and to seek truth and knowledge, even when it's uncomfortable or inconvenient.
Consider the potential benefits of engaging our children in discussions about the Santa myth. We could ask them questions like "How does Santa visit every house in one night?" or "Why do some children receive more presents than others?" or “If Santa isn’t real, why do you think so many other people believe in him?”. By encouraging them to think critically about the story, we help them develop the skills they need to navigate an increasingly complex information landscape, one in which the ability to distinguish fact from fiction is perhaps more crucial than ever before in history.
In a world with deepfakes, astrology, and wild conspiracy theories, why would we not choose to use Santa as a vaccine to inoculate children against myriad forms of bullshit?
By being honest with our children about the nature of the Santa Claus myth, we also model and demonstrate the importance of seeking truth and knowledge, even when it means defying deeply ingrained cultural norms. We show them that it's okay to question traditions and to make decisions based on evidence and reason, rather than blindly accepting things the way they have “always” been.
We can also use the Santa myth to teach our children about respecting the beliefs and decisions of others. Just because we choose not to perpetuate the myth doesn't mean we should condemn those who do. By engaging in open and honest conversations about why some families believe in Santa while others don't, we help our children develop empathy, understanding, and the ability to navigate diverse perspectives. A child who learns not to tell everyone at school that Santa is a hoax may be more likely to engage diplomatically with people who hold different beliefs about more sensitive or politicized topics later in life.
Raising a generation of children to value truth and the wonders of reality above any number of fictions and fabrications would likely radically change the trajectory of our future – as individuals, as a society, and as a species. After all, navigating an increasingly complex information landscape is likely to be one of the most important gifts we could ever give to our children, and yet for generation after generation, we welcome them into the world with not only a lie, but with the idea that lying is sometimes the right thing to do.
Of course, this approach requires more effort than simply going along with the Santa myth. It means having difficult conversations and potentially facing pushback from family members or friends who don't share your perspective. But by taking advantage of this unique teaching moment, we give our children a gift that will serve them well throughout their lives: the ability to think critically, to seek truth, and to navigate the complexities of the world with confidence and integrity.
Ultimately, the decision of how to approach the Santa myth is a personal one for each family, and you can still teach your kids the value of critical thinking and evidence-based epistemology the other 11 months of the year. But I believe that the winter holidays are an unusually good opportunity to teach our children some of these critical lessons. We can show them that truth and progress are genuinely worth pursuing, even when it means going against cultural norms. And in doing so, we can give them the tools they need to become informed, engaged, and compassionate members of society.
I think we would do well to simply share with our children the world as it is — at least to the extent that we understand it — for that is the world they will actually inhabit and navigate for the rest of their lives.
After writing this article, I asked AI to come up with some counterarguments that I might want to address; I’ve included them below, along with my responses to each one:
Childhood Fantasy and Imagination: The Santa myth is a part of childhood wonder, fostering imagination and creativity. It allows children to experience the joy of mystery and magic, which is an essential part of childhood development.
Actually, installing a pre-written fantasy in the minds of children doesn't promote imagination or creativity much at all. You're telling them exactly what to believe, and they're believing it. Maybe they’re visualizing what Santa looks like or something, but even that is also shown to them in movies and such. The idea of Santa Claus is not some great spark that can ignite the flame of imaginative creativity. It's straightforward, mundane conformity.
Teaching Generosity and Spirit of Giving: Santa Claus can be a tool to teach children about the spirit of giving without expecting anything in return. The story of Santa emphasizes kindness and generosity, aligning with the values many parents wish to instill in their children.
But why do you need to make up a fantastical story in order to teach children about the value of generosity? Can you not think of any real life examples of generosity, involving yourself or others? Is Mother Teresa or GiveDirectly not enough for you?
Cultural Tradition and Belonging: The Santa myth is a deeply ingrained cultural tradition that can provide a sense of belonging and shared experience. Participating in this common narrative can help children feel part of their community and culture.
This argument could also have worked in Germany in the 1930s to justify joining the Nazi movement. It can obviously feel good and comforting to do what others around you are doing, but that doesn't mean it's actually the right thing to do. Participating in the common narrative is only as good as the common narrative itself.
Behavioral Incentive: The belief in Santa Claus can serve as a behavioral incentive for children, encouraging good behavior throughout the year with the promise of rewards.
Once again, there are better ways to incentivize children to behave in ways that align with your/their values, and they can all be grounded in reality. I mean, you can also incentivize adults to behave piously by telling them they'll otherwise burn in hell for all eternity. It might work for some people in the short term, but it's yet another fiction that clutters the information landscape of our society, and likely has various downstream effects.
Handling Disappointment and Critical Thinking: Discovering the truth about Santa can be a safe way for children to learn to deal with disappointment and to develop critical thinking skills. It can be an important lesson in discernment and understanding the difference between fact and fiction.
Why is learning that your parents lied to you year after year considered "safe"? I don't know of any studies that have been done on this, but I have a suspicion that there are knock-on effects of this breach of parent-child trust that are largely negative. On the other hand, kids that believe their parents trust them with the truth are likely to wield it more competently later in life.
Respecting Parental Choice: Each family has the right to decide how they wish to handle the Santa myth based on their values and beliefs. It's important to respect the choices that other parents make regarding how they celebrate holidays with their children.
I guess this is true through the lens of U.S. law, but it's still important to try to persuade people to adopt better ideas and behaviors when possible. Should we let the Islamic State keep doing its thing because we need to respect their values and beliefs? Or should women in Gambia have their genitals mutilated because many Gambians think its the right thing to do? This is obviously a big debate, but I think it's one with a blatantly obvious answer: moral relativism holds no water.
Joy and Magic of the Season: The excitement and anticipation of Santa Claus can add to the joy and magic of the holiday season, making it a more festive and enjoyable time for children and families.
It would be sad if the foundation of what makes the holidays good is actually completely untrue. But actually, there are perfectly good reasons to be excited about the holidays and feel joyful (and maybe even magical): you get to spend time with family, you can enjoy the experience of both giving and receiving gifts, there is often beautiful music, special lights and decorations, unique weather in many places, etc. We do not need to lie in order to make the holidays a special time.
Harmless Deception: Some might argue that the deception involved in the Santa myth is harmless and temporary, and that children are resilient and can understand the playful nature of the story once they are old enough.
Maybe. But also maybe not. I don't think we really know. What we do know, though, is that the alternative of using this as an opportunity to teach kids about truth and thinking for themselves is both helpful and long-lasting. And helpful + long-lasting beats harmless + temporary any day.
Gradual Understanding: Children often come to understand the reality of Santa Claus gradually, not as a sudden shattering of belief, which can mitigate any feelings of betrayal or loss of trust.
I don't know that this is actually true. It's certainly not true for all children, and it wasn't true for me. The first time the thought occurred to me that Santa Claus was a cultural tradition of lying to children, I discarded my belief that he was real and never looked back.
Positive Memories and Family Bonding: The rituals and traditions surrounding Santa Claus can create cherished memories and opportunities for family bonding, which can outweigh the potential negatives of the myth.
This is hilarious. Do we actually believe that there would be fewer cherished memories or opportunities for family bonding in a world where we kept the intrinsic wonder and specialness of the holiday season and simply removed the unforced error of lying to children by saying that something completely made-up is actually real?